


Light of My World

by Ambs_Writes



Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, Fluff, I wrote this instead of studying, Mentions of Amy's death, More emotional angst than anything else, Mutual Pining, Pre-Season/Series 01, Slow Burn, Time Travel, background Pride kids friendships, but still, nico and karolina are in love but neither will say it, one-sided Alex/Nico, sorta - Freeform, the parents are here too but i'm not tagging all of them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:14:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21728887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambs_Writes/pseuds/Ambs_Writes
Summary: After Amy's funeral, Karolina must decide if she's going to let Nico push her away like she'd been doing to the other Pride kids. With a little help from a note written in oddly familiar handwriting, Karolina decides to stick it out with Nico. She won't lose her to the darkness, not without a fight.Nico also has a choice to make. To alienate herself from everyone she's ever known or to let them in while she tries to figure out who she is now. With Karolina, it's not a hard to choice to make, with or without the weird note that showed up in her bedroom.
Relationships: Karolina Dean/Nico Minoru
Comments: 5
Kudos: 82





	Light of My World

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hey, hello. Yes, I started another WIP. Yes, I have this mostly planned out in my head and halfway planned out on paper. When will updates be? Who the fuck knows. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. Tumblr link in the end notes!

Karolina welcomed the warm walls of her childhood bedroom, happy to shed the oppressive funeral air that had surrounded her and her friends all morning. She hated this, all of this. Karolina hated the cemetery and the black dress she wore, she hated the closed casket ceremony and the way everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells. Most of all, Karolina hated the broken way Nico looked. 

Nico, the prettiest, smartest, funniest and best person Karolina had never known. Nico, who had been Karolina’s best friend since they were in diapers and who always managed to bring a smile to Karolina’s face when her parents were to busy traveling the world for work or running the Gibborim Church. Nico, who had replaced her sunny smiles and happy snark with a permanent frown and piercing, cold glares. Nico, who had lost her sister and slowly turned into a shadow of herself. 

Karolina wasn’t stupid. She knew Nico had been pushing all of their friends away since Amy...left. Nico wasn’t exactly subtle about it when she cut off contact with Chase, refused to answer Gert’s calls, moved away when Molly tried to hug her and stayed perfectly still when Alex did the same. The only person Nico had let touch her since it happened was Karolina, but only light touches. A hand on the shoulder or arm, a hug that lasted for less than half a second before Nico stepped away. It was probably only a matter of time before Nico stopped letting those small touches happen, too. Karolina was pretty sure she’d seen Nico deleting numbers from her phone after the funeral and she knew that at least one of those had been Alex’s number. 

Alex who had been Amy’s best friend. Alex who had had a massive crush on Nico for as long as Karolina could remember. Alex who hadn’t come to the funeral. 

Maybe it was a little selfish, but Karolina was almost glad Alex hadn’t been there. She hated herself for feeling that way, but Karolina wanted to be the one that Nico turned to for comfort. She wanted Nico to know that she could turn to Karolina when she was sad and Karolina would be there for her, always. It was an awful time to think about it--which Karolina was fully aware of and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about it--but if the lines between being just friends and being more than that were going to blur, she wanted it to be the lines between her and Nico. 

It was a horrible thing to think about when Nico had just lost her sister. Nico was emotionally unstable and if her recent changes in clothing style and makeup, she didn’t feel like herself anymore. She was in no way ready to hear Karolina’s confession. Especially considering that Karolina’s confession was one that could change everything between them. Karolina had no idea how Nico would react once she found out which was one of the scariest things about Nico’s recent changes. Before Amy, Karolina had been able to read Nico like an open book. She knew when Nico was too hot or too cold, when her fries had too much salt and her favorite book to read. Now Nico’s expression was blank, cold. Karolina couldn’t say how Nico would react when she found out that Karolina had been in love with her for at least the last four years. 

No, Karolina decided as she stepped over to her closet to take off the black dress she’d worn for the services earlier and traded them for running shorts and light blue t-shirt. She wouldn’t tell Nico just yet. Nico needed time to grieve and heal and figure out her new normal. Karolina had been waiting for four years to admit her feelings to Nico, she could wait a little longer. She’d wait forever for Nico if she had to. 

A ringing sound from her tablet pulled Karolina’s attention and she walked over to her desk to pick the device up. It was Gert, requesting that she join a group video chat with her and Chase. Karolina accepted the invite as she took a seat in her desk chair. 

“Hey, guys.” Karolina greeted, unsurprised to see Gert and Molly squished together in the frame labeled with Gert’s name. They’d been sticking pretty close together in the last few weeks. 

“Hey,” Chase’s greeting was just as soft. “We thought we should talk about today.” 

“He means we should talk about Alex not being there today.” Gert corrected pointedly. That explained Nico’s absence from the call then. 

“I’m sure he had his reasons for not being there,” Karolina said softly. “We’re all grieving.” 

“And we all agreed to be there for Nico.” Gert shook her head. “I can’t believe Alex broke his promise. I mean, given how he feels about Nico.” 

“Yeah but Amy is, was, Alex’s best friend. He’s hurting too.” Chase looked at Karolina through the screen, a knowing and annoying glint in his eye. For a moment, Karolina regretted telling Chase about her feelings for Nico a year ago. He was always giving her that look now. 

“We’re all hurting, Nico more than any of us. If Alex wanted to be alone, that’s on him.” 

“Karolina’s right,” Molly said sadly. Karolina smiled softly at her. Despite being the youngest of all the Pride kids, Molly, unfortunately, had the most experience with grief. She hadn’t understood as much when her parents died years before, but she did now. She knew what Nico was going through better than anyone else in their friend group. 

“Thanks, Molls.” Karolina nodded slightly. “Give Alex some time, he’ll come back around.” 

“And if Nico pushes us all away before then?” Chase asked, surprising Gert. “You know that’s why she won’t answer our calls.” 

“Then I guess we’ll still see each other at Pride meetings,” Gert said though she sounded upset at the thought. 

“But we’ll still be friends right?” Molly asked softly, her expression far more openly hopeful than the others. Karolina appreciated her optimism. 

“Of course.” 

“Yeah, we’ll always be friends.” Chase agreed with Karolina, his eyes lingering on her again. Gert cleared her throat suddenly. 

“It’s been a long day. We should all get some rest.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Chase said, “good night.” Gert had closed the window before he finished speaking. Chase sighed and looked at Karolina. “I guess I’ll see you soon, Karolina.” 

“See you.” 

The call ended and Karolina put her tablet back down on her desk after shutting it off. Her gaze drifted up to the wall above her desk. Pictures were strung up there, of her with her family and the other members of Pride. A few at the church for promotional things and one from a Pride event two summers ago that they’d all had to attend. Karolina’s gaze skirted over all of them and settled on two pictures, her favorite two pictures. The first was of all of them, all seven of the Pride kids. It was a recent picture, taken only a few months before Amy left. They were grouped together, Alex with his arms around Nico’s shoulders, Nico half leaning into Karolina anyway. Karolina had her hands on Gert’s shoulder, Chase stood behind her with a smiling Molly clinging to his back. Amy had reached in front of Gert with one hand to hold Nico’s. They were caught smiling and Karolina remembers how they had broken into laughter after the picture was taken and Chase nearly dropped Molly. 

The second picture was of just Nico and Karolina, from last summer. They were sitting together on the edge of the Stein family pool, soaking wet and laughing. Neither of them were looking at the camera or had been aware of the photo being taken until Janet Stein had handed both of them a copy of it. It was Karolina’s favorite picture, one of her favorites anyway, of just her and Nico. They were happy and carefree, laughing together under the heat of the summer sun while their friends splashed in the water nearby. Karolina had almost admitted her feelings that day, had been just about to kiss Nico when Alex and Amy walked in and asked if they wanted to join them for video games at the Wilder house. Karolina hadn’t been able to gather up that same courage to tell Nico about her feelings since. 

Sighing lightly, Karolina stood from her desk and turned to lay on her bed after getting her phone out of her purse. Part of her was hoping that Nico would have texted her but she knew it wasn’t likely. Karolina ran a hand through her hair, pulling it out of the partial braid she’d had it in for the majority of the day, and threw her phone onto her bed. Just as the device touched the material of Karolina’s blanket, a flash of light appeared before her eyes. Karolina gasped and covered her eyes but the light was gone as soon as it appeared. Karolina blinked a few times as her vision returned to normal. It was then that she noticed a white strip of paper lying on her bed near her phone, a piece of paper that Karolina was sure hadn’t been there before that flash of light. 

Hesitantly, glancing around her room like she was looking for a hidden camera, Karolina picked up the paper. On it was written a few sentences in familiar handwriting. It looked like Nico’s, the way the letters flowed together smoothly and the too-small space between the words, but it was just slightly different. There was something about the writing that was just the slightest bit off, it made Karolina think that maybe it was written by Amy before it had happened. That didn’t explain why it had appeared in a flash of light, though. Refocusing on the words themselves rather than who had written them, Karolina read the words again. 

_Don’t let the Darkness take over Nico. She needs you. More than you’ll ever know._

There was no greeting or signature. Karolina stared at the words and wondered why it felt so significant that the word darkness was capitalized. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach, like the darkness the note talked about wasn’t just Nico’s grief over Amy but a physical, tangible thing that was threatening to overtake her. Something that if it would, Karolina would lose Nico forever. That was the last thing Karolina ever wanted and it doubled her resolve. She wouldn’t let Nico push her away. She’d give her space to grieve and heal, but she wouldn’t abandon her and when Nico felt ready to talk about it, Karolina would be there ready and waiting. 

Her decision made, Karolina picked her phone up again and typed out a message to Nico, not giving herself the chance to read it over and change anything out of fear that Nico would realize Karolina’s true feelings, before plugging it in for the night and turning off her light. Nico probably wouldn’t respond right away but Karolina hoped that she would eventually. She stashed the mysterious note in the drawer of her bedside table and settled into her own bed. She fell asleep before Nico’s response came through. 

~

In another extravagant Brentwood home, Nico stood in the hallway between her room and Amy’s. Amy’s door was closed but not locked, just like it had been since the day her body had been carried out of it a black bag. Nico hadn’t been able to go into the room yet. Every time she tried to open the door, her mind flashed back to seeing Amy there, her skin pale and lips tinged blue. She remembered Amy’s vacant stare and how cold she had felt when Nico tried to wake her up. The same memories assaulted her mind as Nico raised her hand to the doorknob on Amy’s door. She couldn’t make her wrist move to open the door yet, she felt frozen in place. Tears burned her eyes but Nico didn’t let them fall. She was so tired of crying. She was tired of _feeling._ She just wanted it to all go away and to wake up from whatever nightmare she was living in. 

But she didn’t wake up. She blinked the tears away and turned her back on the empty room to walk into her own. Nico had made some changes to her room over the past week. Her parents had been too busy with the funeral arrangements to notice that Nico was falling apart at the seams so Nico had taken the opportunity to change things up in her room. She replaced her light wallpaper with black paint, spray painted her furniture to match and was already halfway through emptying her closet of all the brightly colored clothes she had worn before. All the bright colors that reminded her of emotions she didn’t want to feel anymore were gone. 

Nico quickly shed her funeral clothes and slipped into a pair of loose-fitting black sleep pants with a tank top to match. She pulled her hair up, off her neck and into a messy ponytail. She’d considered coloring her hair, maybe adding a few dark purple streaks through it, but she figured she’d already be in enough trouble with her mother when she remembered to check on Nico. It was probably better to not push Tina too far yet and Nico’s hair was already dark. It was a little shorter than she wanted it just then, but that would change with time. There were lots of things that would change with time, Nico knew. There were things that had already changed. 

Her friends must have noticed what she was doing. They weren’t stupid, not even Chase. They knew Nico had been ignoring their calls and texts, avoided being around them for too long or letting them touch her earlier at the funeral. She had let Karolina hug her briefly, the only true hug Nico had given. When the others tried, Nico just stood stiffly until they let her go. Karolina was different though, she always had been. Karolina’s was Nico’s best friend. Her favorite person to spend time with, studying or watching movies or sitting in silence while they played on their own phones. Karolina would be the hardest person to say good-bye too. 

Rationally, Nico knew she didn’t really have to say good-bye to all of her friends. Things would be different of course with their numbers now one less than they should be, but that didn’t mean that they had to stop being friends. But Nico was unsure if her friends would accept the changes Nico was making to herself. Nico wasn’t sure that _she_ had accepted the changes she was making. She wasn’t thinking about it, she was just feeling. Feeling so much she had to do something to run away from her feelings until she felt like they wouldn’t eat her alive. So that’s what she was doing. She ran away from the overwhelming sadness she felt, from the sad smiles of her friends, from the familiar warmth of being with the people she had known since before she could walk. It was better to lose them all in one fell swoop. Alex clearly felt the same way, even if his absence from Amy’s funeral had stung. Nico could accept that Alex didn’t want to be there, she didn’t want to be there either, but she couldn’t forgive him for not being there either. It felt like a betrayal. Alex was Amy’s best friend. He should have been there. 

Nico couldn’t bring herself to block her friend’s phone numbers but she did delete their contact information. Not that it mattered much, Nico had memorized all of her friends’ numbers as soon as they’d gotten phones, but separating the name from the numbers made her feel better somehow. Like maybe she could breathe a little easier now, even if she couldn’t bring herself to delete Karolina’s number. It would always be different with her, Nico would always be closer to Karolina than anyone else which apparently included not running as far from her as she did from everyone else. As long as Nico could keep herself from reaching out to Karolina like she so desperately wanted too, she figured the message would come through loud and clear anyway. Karolina didn’t need to know that Nico couldn’t say goodbye to her. She didn’t need to know that if anyone could keep Nico from running, it was Karolina. 

Karolina was a shining light, a beacon of goodness in the world. She deserved more than the love of the broken girl Nico was becoming. Nico loved her enough to know that. Nico would always love Karolina, had always loved Karolina and had even thought about telling her once upon a time. Before Nico’s world had turned dark and the broken part of her heart where her sister used to be a comforting presence turned into a sharp icicle that pierces Nico’s heart. Nico didn’t feel like she could love Karolina the way she deserved to be anymore. It was better this way, for Nico to sink into the shadows that had grown around her and keep Karolina safe from Nico’s destructive love. 

Nico’s phone buzzed in the pocket of the dress she’d worn and she collected it off the floor to dig the device out. Karolina’s name lit up her screen, a selfie of Karolina’s smiling face staring up at Nico from the contact photograph. Before Nico could read the text, there was a flash of light before her eyes and she dropped her phone as her hands moved to block the blinding brightness. A fluttering sound reached her ears as Nico blinked the dark spots away. The light faded quickly and Nico found a white strip of paper lying on the floor next to her phone. Nico picked both items up and found three sentences written on the bit of paper. 

_Don’t let the Light blind Karolina. She needs you._

Then, below that, 

_You can’t admit it yet, but you need her, too._

The note was cryptic and there was no signature, but that wasn’t the oddest part. That was the fact that the note was written in Nico’s handwriting. There was a little variation to it but Nico still recognized it, the way she wrote when she was in a hurry or unsure what to say. Not that Nico remembered writing this particular note in the first place. Or why it had shown up in a flash of light right after she received a text from the subject of the note. That felt like too much of a coincidence to be ignored. There was something significant about the note, something that made Nico wonder why the word light had been capitalized and pushed into the paper like whoever had been writing it had pushed too hard. It didn’t make sense and Nico had no idea what to make of it. 

Putting the note away in the pages of her journal, Nico turned her attention to the text message that she had yet to read. For a moment she simply looked at Karolina’s photo and then read the words on the screen. 

_‘Hey, I know you probably want to be alone for a little while and that’s okay. I understand. I know you’re pushing us away, but I want you to know that I’m still here for you. You’re my best friend, Nico. I love you and I’m here for you. I’ll still be here for you whenever you’re ready to let me be. Just let me know and I’m yours.’_

Again, Nico felt her eyes well with tears again. Karolina had always had this ability to say exactly what Nico needed to hear. Karolina loved her, probably not in the same way Nico loved her but still enough to let Nico have her space. This time, Nico didn’t try to stop the tears from falling as she laid down on her bed. She could push the others away, she could delete their numbers and ignore their calls and pretend that they all hadn’t been friends since they were babies but she couldn’t do that with Karolina. 

Maybe it was selfish of her but she couldn’t bring herself to let go of the one person who made her feel like maybe everything would be okay. Blinking a few times to clear her vision, Nico picked up her phone again and typed out a short response to Karolina. She hit send before she could regret it or worry about Karolina noticing the double meaning in her words. 

‘ _I do want to be alone, but I don’t want to be away from you. I love you. Maybe we could get coffee after school? Just us.’_

Nico set her phone to silent and plugged it in for the night, rolling away from her nightstand and hoping that maybe with a little patience, Nico would feel okay again. As long as she didn’t lose Karolina, too, maybe Nico could feel like herself again. Not now, not yet, maybe not even anytime soon. 

But someday. 

**Author's Note:**

> Welp there we go. Let me know what y'all think! I'll be doing my best to respond to comments in between studying and exams. As I said above, updates will probably be fairly sporadic but I'll try to get on to a decent update schedule. 
> 
> As always, feel free to come yell at me about this or any other fic over on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ambs-writes)


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